Motherhood and Then Some

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Visionary mama to three kids. Two boys, age 2 and 19, and one little daughter who died when she was 5. This is my blog through motherhood, grief, and then some.

August 17, 2011 at 10:01pm
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Tasty Goodness!
I made you this cake, my sweet little girl.  It’s chocolate on chocolate with Rainbow candles!  Tomorrow is your birthday!  Sixteen!  I cannot imagine what that would be like, sharing my life with a sixteen year old you.
To me, you’re always five.  Cute and funny, with long curly blond hair (that you did not like the tangles combed out of).  In love with the Little Mermaid, Elmo and Winnie the Pooh.  Lover of walks in your stroller, playing with your friends and brother watching.  That was your sport, watching your ever active brother…he said a prayer tonight when we lit your candles.  I am sure you heard it.  His heart is full, as mine is, of great love for you.
My wish for you, my guess is that it has been fulfilled.  My heart tells me you have all you need.  My wish, for us here, is that we carry the peace we felt tonight forward, into our tomorrow.  That we don’t loose sight, and get lost in our grief, of your life.  Your you-ness that swept over our hearts and changed us forever.
Tomorrow we’ll go to your “spot” and leave treats, eat ice cream, and tell you stories.  The cake HAD to be made and eaten today.  A birthday as important as Sixteen cannot be Celebrated on only one day.
I love you.
xoxo, mom

Tasty Goodness!

I made you this cake, my sweet little girl.  It’s chocolate on chocolate with Rainbow candles!  Tomorrow is your birthday!  Sixteen!  I cannot imagine what that would be like, sharing my life with a sixteen year old you.

To me, you’re always five.  Cute and funny, with long curly blond hair (that you did not like the tangles combed out of).  In love with the Little Mermaid, Elmo and Winnie the Pooh.  Lover of walks in your stroller, playing with your friends and brother watching.  That was your sport, watching your ever active brother…he said a prayer tonight when we lit your candles.  I am sure you heard it.  His heart is full, as mine is, of great love for you.

My wish for you, my guess is that it has been fulfilled.  My heart tells me you have all you need.  My wish, for us here, is that we carry the peace we felt tonight forward, into our tomorrow.  That we don’t loose sight, and get lost in our grief, of your life.  Your you-ness that swept over our hearts and changed us forever.

Tomorrow we’ll go to your “spot” and leave treats, eat ice cream, and tell you stories.  The cake HAD to be made and eaten today.  A birthday as important as Sixteen cannot be Celebrated on only one day.

I love you.

xoxo, mom

Notes

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